Eating Disorders
Soul Struggles
Jan Lewis
Now I see that my battle with food was really a spiritual battle for control of my life.
I was tired of being teased, being different, and being excluded. At age 13, I was determined to be accepted and happy. So I decided to lose weight. As I did, my confidence soared; and I heard every positive comment as encouragement to continue.
In a short time, I realized that being thin had nothing to do with being happy. I was physically weak, and my entire life focused on eating or not eating. I was afraid and lonely. As I lost weight, I also lost joy, spontaneity, the ability to laugh, the freedom to be myself. I isolated myself from friends and chose not to attend social activities for fear of having to eat.
What seemed like a simple decision to diet led to a life controlled by a destructive disease, anorexia nervosa. Anorexiais an eating disorder characterized by extreme food restriction and weight loss; it destroys both body and soul.
Most people suffering from anorexiadon't realize what they are doing or why. Denial of the problem, or at least of the seriousness of the problem, can greatly alter the perception and reality with which the person sees himself or herself. The fear and obsessive nature of the disease can cause you to build walls or boundaries in an attempt to protect yourself from others and from facing the truth of the situation. The person with anorexia is often the last to admit it. My self-understanding has come with recovery.
After more than 25 years of pain, fear, and heartache for both myself and my family, nine hospitalizations, and several outpatient therapists, all to no avail, I reached a point where I faced a real fear of dying. I finally realized that holding onto control of my food was only imprisoning me. My complete, total freedom came by surrendering that chaotic control and trusting completely in God.
As I look back, I know that the only reason I survived anorexiawas because God was with me, keeping me safe. Now I see that my battle with food was really a spiritual battle for control of my life. Many people fight the same battle. We tell ourselves that we are powerful and strong, that we can independently set the course for our lives. But scripture tells us that the only way to live is by surrendering control to God, who will strengthen us and prepare us to do God's will. Proverbs 3:7-8 says, "Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones" (NIV).
Today I am a nurse. I know the importance of assessing each person's symptoms. There are physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of anorexia nervosa.All three must be addressed, but complete recovery lies in our relationship with God.
Teens know all about the pressure to be beautiful, slender, athletic, physically perfect. Society, whether we like it or not, is concerned about outward appearance. God looks on our hearts. Spiritual health means focusing on God's hopes for our lives rather than on the world's expectations.
DIG DEEPER
Do You Do This?
Do you eat, restrict, binge/purge, or compulsively exercise when you feel emotionally pressured?
Do you feel more in control or "safer" when you eat, restrict, binge/purge, or compulsively exercise?
Do you feel guilty after a binge/purge episode or during or after a restricting period?
When eating, do you ever feel out of control or afraid that you will lose control and not be able to stop?
Do you ever use laxatives, diet pills, self-starvation, or diuretics in an effort to lose weight?
Do you drink a lot of diet cola or coffee in an effort to dull your appetite and to be more energetic without eating?
Do you weigh yourself often, and does that number dictate your mood and/or self-worth for the day?
Are you secretive about your eating practices? Do you think think they are abnormal?
Would you worry about a friend or family member who came to you with similar weight loss/coping methods?
Do you spend a lot of time cooking for others or reading recipes and/or studying the nutritional information on food?
If you think you may have an eating disorder:
Reach into yourself, and admit that you have a problem.
Make the decision to address the problem and to take action.
Tell someone you feel you can trust -- a friend, teacher, parent, or even your family doctor -- someone who can offer you support and encouragement.
Therapy is an essential next step toward recovery.
Recovery is about YOU. Keep an open mind, but don't let someone push you into things you don't want to do.
Talk to God about what is going on in your life.
Jan Lewis lives in Southern Indiana with her family. She returned to school four years ago and earned her nursing degree. She remains available for support to others who are struggling with an eating disorder.
-- from Devo’Zine (March/April 2001). Copyright © 2001 by The Upper Room. All rights reserved.
| Back to Main | Eating Disorders |
HEALTH & HELP
