HEALTH & HELP

Eating Disorders

Rachel Hockett Celebrates Being Free to Eat, Free to Live
Ciona D. Rouse

Rachel Hockett, a member of the musical trio Prelude, got on a scale and began to laugh. She was heavier than she had ever been.

“I knew that God had done something in my heart because I started laughing,” Rachel said. “I thought, The world did not crumble. Nobody loves me any less now than they did when I was twenty-five pounds lighter. Here I am the heaviest I’ve ever been, and I’m still a beautiful creation of God.”

Battling Food and Exercise
For ten years, gaining weight was Rachel’s enemy. Fearful of not being good enough, Rachel, the daughter of Dove-award winning gospel music duo Billy and Sarah Gaines, battled a quiet eating disorder. Growing up, Rachel had many friends and was actively involved in church. She was part of a loving and faithful family, but she never believed that she was good enough. As she grew older, she began lying, telling people she was going home when actually she was going to the gym to work out. She began taking laxatives, popping diet pills, obsessively counting calories, and avoiding social gatherings so that she would not be around food. Rachel scheduled her days around exercise. “I would wake up, run in the dark, go to school, then get a second workout. My whole life revolved around getting in two workouts. I mean, I would literally wear sweaty clothes all day long just so I could go out and get a second workout [later]. It was ridiculous.” Rachel did not like the way she was living, but she feared the alternative—getting fat. She dismissed the idea that she had an eating disorder because she was not exhibiting the classic behaviors—binging and purging or starving herself. Yet exercise and weight control consumed her.

Working toward Change
One day, after weighing herself, Rachel panicked. The world felt like it was spinning, and she could hardly breathe. Her obsession with food, dieting, and exercise came crashing down on her. Rachel thanks God for this moment because she finally reached out for help. Her quiet, secret disorder finally came to light. With the encouragement of her mother, husband, and best friend, Rachel began to see a professional psychologist, who helped her to understand God’s love for her. “I believed it when I told my friends that God loved them, but I didn’t believe it for myself,” she said. Her counselor told Rachel to quit her diet and to cut down her exercise to less than thirty minutes a day. She advised Rachel to avoid the scale and anything else that made her focus on her body. The counselor also urged her to dig deep and to deal with things that had happened early in her life. It was hard work, but Rachel knew that something had to change.

“I’m not going to say that it was really awesome and that I enjoyed how I looked in pictures, but I just decided that there were other things more important.” Rachel relied on friends and family to hold her accountable. She learned to be honest and transparent. And much to her surprise, she found freedom in allowing herself to gain some weight. She felt healthier and discovered that she liked an occasional iced latte or slice of chocolate cake.

Talking about It
Rachel is constantly learning that she does not have to be perfect to receive love and acceptance. This is what she tells young girls through her music and through her recent involvement in the Revolve Tour for girls. “It’s liberating to talk about it. It reminds you that you’re not keeping secrets anymore.” Telling her story may liberate others as well. A young girl with an eating disorder approached Rachel after hearing her story and said, “It makes me feel better to see that you’re alive and that you want to be alive.” Rachel says there are days when she still struggles; but she has developed a much healthier relationship with food, and each morning is another day when she chooses the freedom of being alive.<

Ciona D. Rouse, a writer in Nashville, Tennessee, has journeyed with a friend through the difficult struggle of an eating disorder.

Learn more about Rachel and Prelude at www.preludetrio.com.

next day stretch
Rachel Hockett says that one of the most difficult parts of recovery was not being able to see a different way of living. She hopes that people with eating disorders will entertain the idea of living free.
Take a moment to list the ways you avoid or overindulge in food (or another obsession). Then dream of what life would be like if you were free of your obsession. What would you be able to do that you cannot do now? How would your life improve?
As you work toward this dream, let Psalm 25:17 be your prayer.

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