Another thing about the Back flowers. In addition to Gorse, you might could also use Aspen. That is for fear of the irrational or overly superstitious. Mimulus is for fear of known things, like "I am worried about my car", or "I am worried about my health." Once again, I don't know you personally, so I am not sure what the best remedies may be for you. But if you go online and look at the flowers, you might be able to decide this for yourself.
Don't give up on your dreams and goals. You can make it. As far as your mental state, I can tell you are depressed. Don't give up. I would be too, if I had all the things wrong in my life that you have in yours. But you can still make it. Don't give up. For your depression and anxiety, have you ever tried Bach flowers? For your situation, I might would recommend Gorse. It is for people who are hopeless and feel like giving up. I don't know which other remedies to recommend for you because I don't know you personally. But if you look up the Bach flower remedies online, you might be able to help yourself. You need to be honest about the emotions you are feeling and look at which flower remedy you think might help you. There are 38 different kinds and when you look at what all of them for, you might be able to diagnose yourself and decide what the right remedies are for you. You are not supposed to take more than 6-7 at a time. Other that that, they are very inexpensive and might work for you. I would give them a try.
You can lose 30 lb by eating the right balance of protein, carbs, and fats. There is a book called the MD factor, written by a medical doctor. It will explain the correct ratio of protein, carbs, and fats. You can also find lectures by this same doctor on Youtube. I believe she also has a website. There is also PhD weight loss, which was developed by a nutritionist and has a similar philosophy. You can find these things by searching for them online. They will help you lose weight. All you have to do is plan out all your meals using the right ratio of proteins to carbs to fats. They will tell you exactly how to do it, and my sister lost 70 pounds this way. Go ahead and look up the information and get started. The rest will come to you, if you start losing the weight. I really feel like this is the first best step you can take for your health. After that, if you can afford it, think about seeing a naturalist, herbalist, or TCM (Chinese) doctor for your health problems. They might be able to help you get better. Then you will be able to leave the nursing home, and you might be able to get your life back on track. But you are going to have to start with addressing your health problems first.