Christina5, I am praying for you
Christina5, I am praying for you, I HEAR you. I don’t know your specific issues in your marriage, but I have been there, was there, for many years. I struggled desperately with my husbands choices, and it turned me into someone I knew I wasn’t. God helped me heal, asked me to please look at the good, kindness of my husband, and forgive him his weaknesses. It was a many years challenge, and many times I wanted to just give up on him, however one day I SAW what God wanted me to see. Did it miraculously make everything in my marriage great again, no, but it did help me SEE that I wasn’t perfect either, and perhaps I was “ expecting “ something from him, and once I “ had expectations “ I had already set myself up for disappointment. Marriage is a HUGE challenge, having kids is even bigger, we as women give up a big piece of ourselves and give it away to others, who many times disappoint us, and fail to SEE us. I won’t pretend to have answers, but I know when I turn to Jesus, my brother, and God my Father, I’m seen and heard, and they are always with me though I may feel very much alone. I find a place where I feel safe, content, and thank God for giving me that place and sitting there with me. Please know you are NOT alone, what you’re feeling, experiencing, you are not alone in it. I’ve recently discovered a priceless couple books that have helped turn my fear into hope, not hope for what I can attain and have here on earth, but my future journey as I look forward to someday seeing God for myself. God Bless you.
Sounds like that wonderful surrender that we fight, but when we give in to God, brings so much peace. May God now see your open heart ready to receive His abundant and extravagant blessings. I am praying for you, dear Christina5.