More From Cindy Tanquary Peavy

Since I wrote today’s devotional, I’ve thought quite a bit about the feeling of unworthiness. Like many children who come from unsafe homes where adults can’t be trusted and love isn’t lavished, I struggled with self-worth in my early years and searched for value through grade-point averages, awards, and advanced degrees. All the striving accomplished was a tenuous self-confidence and an ulcer by the age of twenty-one. 

Crazy as it may sound, I’m grateful for my background. It prepared me to be stunned by God. I am awed and humbled to know that the Almighty, the Creator of the universe, sees me as beloved. God is so head-over-heels in love with me that he rejoices over me! I bask in God’s love, finding healing and forgiveness and worth in its warmth.

I’d be content to enjoy this relationship with God in private. Its intimacy is precious and comfortable. 

But when I reread the story of Moses, I felt nudged out of my comfort zone. It made me consider my spiritual calling: does God want me to do something that will bring God glory, something more than quietly, privately adoring God?

As I considered that question, I had several opportunities to share my faith. None felt quite right. Besides, I didn’t feel spiritual enough to handle them. Teach a Bible study? I’d rather just listen. Pray in front of a group? I’ll pray fervently . . . later . . . when God and I are alone. Write about my spiritual experience? I can’t do that; it’s personal!

I was full of excuses. The problem was, while I’d grown confident of my worth as God’s beloved, speaking to others about God and God’s word seemed out of reach, like it required a new level of worthiness I hadn’t achieved. 

I went back to Moses’ story in Exodus again and again. In one rereading, I noticed verses I’d skimmed over before, the ones for today’s devotional. I’d asked God a similar question as Moses: “Who am I, that I should write about you?” At first, God’s answer to Moses seems off target. In fact, God seems to be answering a different question. I don’t know what answer Moses expected, but the answer I’d hoped for was a sudden, surging feeling of adequacy. If not that, then perhaps some encouraging words, like “You’re good enough; you’ve got this.” 

For Moses and me and anyone who’s ever wondered if they’re the right person to carry out God’s work, God’s answer isn’t about helping us feel ready. It’s about what really matters: “I am with you.” God doesn’t want us to worry about ourselves or our abilities. God doesn’t need us to feel worthy enough to share God’s word or our faith. We are worthy because God loves us. God is asking us to trust and know that God is with us when we step out in faith. And that is enough.