More From April McIntyre

As I write this, it is mid-December. The UK is in the grip of winter, with clear, starry nights and hard frosts that linger in the shadows. The garden is drab and apparently lifeless except for flurries of sparrows around the bird feeders and the occasional flash of a robin’s red breast.

My name is April. I am a child of the spring. It’s not that I dislike winter, but I can’t help yearning for those first signs of new life and growth: tiny buds, green shoots, and the bright exuberance of daffodils. At the moment, however, springtime seems far off as we shiver through the short days and long, dark nights. Waiting is never easy, particularly when darkness also creeps into our thoughts and moods.

This year I have been in touch with an old friend from school whose son, who is in his twenties, has plunged into depression. Recently, he attempted suicide. What can one say in a situation like this? Communicating through email, I could only promise to pray. Although my friend has never had much time for Christianity, she appreciates my offer and urges me to keep on praying.

So I pray day after day, for this and other issues that don’t easily resolve. Often I don’t know what to say to God. I know God knows the facts and knows far more than I do. And God cares. So I continue to lift my friend’s family into God’s presence and trust in God’s unfailing love. And I wait.

The story of my amaryllis bulbs is true. I find it particularly helpful when I too am feeling low. I remember how impatient I was with when bulb that wouldn’t grow and how I nearly gave up on it. There was no way to see what was going on beneath the soil; I couldn’t know whether it was still alive or had rotted into nothingness. So what a miracle it seemed when the first green tip appeared, then the sturdy stem, and finally that spectacular flower.

When at last we see the wonder of God’s grace, we can’t help rejoicing and praising God for the waiting that was worthwhile. Spring comes again into our hearts and lives.

I would like to end with a prayer that can be accompanied by lighting a candle. This may be helpful to anyone who finds themselves in a dark place.

God,
wherever you are,
I don’t know how to pray.
I am in the darkness,
aching,
lost,
in pain.
As I light my candle,
I reach out to you,
for my family and friends,
for the world around me,
for myself.
Give me strength
to face another day.
Shine your light into my dark places
and help me to know
I am not alone.
Amen.

If you or someone you know is in crisis or experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Lifeline) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or text the Crisis Text Line (text HELLO to 741741). Speaking of Suicide also provides a list of resources for those in crisis and their loved ones.