More From Diana Derringer

In addition to the loss of my mom, dad, nephew, and childhood home in recent years, our family has experienced grief from losses other than death. Each of those losses also required letting go and giving God control.

My husband’s 2004 malignant brain tumor led to fatigue, weakness, and memory loss. On top of that, a month of radiation and three and a half years of oral chemotherapy left him unable to resume his managerial position. Not only did he lose his job but he also lost a large part of his identity.  In addition, we lost our freedom to come and go anytime our schedules permitted. We had to plan almost everything around his five nights of chemo every month and his level of exhaustion.

In 2009, we had to let go in a greater way. A heart attack, stroke, and fall leading to severe brain injury further limited my husband’s physical and mental strength. The right side of his body suffered the greatest losses. With therapy, he regained the ability to walk with a cane, eat unassisted, and care for most of his personal needs.

Losses continued in 2020. Seizures, unlike those we had controlled with medication since his brain tumor, caused his old stroke symptoms to return with a vengeance. Increased medication and therapy stabilized him, but his caregiving needs grew. Travel, our favorite leisure activity, became a thing of the past, outside of trips to doctors and occasional brief visits with relatives.

Yet God has given so much more than diseases and accidents have taken.

• My husband’s prognosis in 2004 was three to five years. He went into and remained in remission after three years.
• He was not expected to live when medical staff took him off his respirator in 2009, but he sat up and talked to us two days later.
• We gained quality couple time after years of schedules that required extensive overtime and on-call duties.
• We learned what matters most in life. Our relationships with God and with one another have carried us through crisis after crisis and will continue to carry us through whatever tomorrow brings.
• God’s peace and presence surround us and reassure us regardless of our circumstances.

I would never have chosen the life of caregiver, and my husband would never have chosen the life of someone who needs care. Nevertheless, neither of us would change anything. God walks with us through all life’s peaks and valleys. Our gains far outpace our losses.

I write or speak, with my husband’s approval, about the trials we’ve experienced and the lessons we’ve learned. If you subscribe to my weekly fun-with-words (non-caregiving) blog posts, Words, Wit, and Wisdom: Life Lessons from English Expressions, you receive a free copy of my collection, “Words of Hope for Days That Hurt.” I also began 30-second caregiver tip reels that I post on Facebook and Instagram every Thursday. You can learn more about my writing and our journey at dianaderringer.com. I pray our losses and gains benefit you as you travel life’s road.