More From Kimberly Rice Smith

When I wrote today’s meditation, I was only one year into my role as a lay leader. Since that time, COVID-19 challenged us all and disaffiliation challenged The United Methodist Church. Thinking back about my insecurities from when I wrote the meditation, I give thanks to God for helping me grow in so many ways.

Trying to learn within my own church — while helping others navigate technology and ways to stay connected during COVID-19 — taught me a new kind of creativity and sense of freedom to try new things without the concern of failing. I watched congregations step out in faith and become so courageous in trying everything — from caravans of people blowing bubbles outside the homes of those shut-in to churches that became Wi-Fi cafes for students without internet access. People who had been avoiding church tuned into Facebook Live and YouTube worship services. Shy congregants found a new sense of confidence to share the love they knew with the world-wide web! We all found that strength to simply try together — with God by our side.

I thought the angst and hurt of disaffiliation in The United Methodist Church would break me before it was over. Things spoken and the way talks were handled in some places left permanent scars on my heart. I saw God in some places as hearts were really struggling with difficult discussions. But in other places, I couldn’t seem to find God in the room. I held tight to the God I knew anyway.

Instead of breaking me, the process strengthened and clarified my personal faith journey. I know now without question that in any difficult discussion my heart will always land on the side of love. I will cling to John Wesley’s belief: First, do no harm.

Since writing about my struggles with self-worth and sharing my faith, my church conference has had one virtual session, one contentious session, and one that was nothing but hearts filled with hope for what the future held. Stronger, clearer, braver, and closer to God is where I find myself in 2024, and I have nothing but gratitude for those who saw something in me that they believed could be used for the glory of God and my own good.