My Portion

I’ve always been a big girl and felt pressure internally and externally to be a small girl. I started my first diet at age thirteen. I exercised strenuously and severely limited my food intake. I quickly lost weight, but when I tried to return to normal eating habits, I started bingeing. Soon I regained all the weight I had lost plus more. So I started another strict diet. This pattern of dieting and bingeing became a way of life for me. I lost my ability to discern when I was truly hungry or when I was appropriately full. I had no idea how to eat moderately.

When I first read Proverbs 30:8, it spoke directly to me about my eating disorder. I prayed that God would help me find my portion — not too much and not too little. God helped me to see that my views about food, body image, and self-worth were skewed. God freed me from these and replaced them with reality and truth. I surrendered my image of the ideal body and began to find my genuine worth as a child of God.

As for eating, I followed the serving sizes listed on food packages. I stopped buying diet foods and focused on preparing healthy meals. With God’s help and taking these practical steps, I slowly adjusted to moderate eating. Today, I am free from the cycle of dieting and bingeing. I am capable of moderate eating, and I’ve learned to love myself as I am.